I’m finally on the mend after being sick for a month. What a month it’s been...several weeks of the past month I could barely get out of bed. I can’t remember being this sick for this long in years. There is one thing that you just can’t get away from while you’re laying in bed – thinking. As I tend to think too much on a good day when I’m laying in bed for a week at a time you can imagine I’m sure the amount of thinking/over thinking I had the opportunity to do.
Over the month I’ve come to the realization that my life isn’t exactly how I’d like it to be. Now I say that being unsure exactly what it is that’s missing or not right, but it’s a vague sense of unease. I think it’s as simple as being stuck in a rut and just a little off track, but in the bigger picture, especially at mid-life (which I find myself unable to ignore any longer) a little off track feels like a big deal.
I’ve said it many times here – I’m very familiar with what brings me joy and how grateful I am to be aware of most of those things. I think that maybe what’s missing is a bigger sense of contribution to my family, my community and the world. I’ve always believed that we all come here for a purpose and I think mine’s nagging at me in a way I can’t quite understand right now.
Have you heard the expression ‘bloom where you’re planted’? It’s been showing up in my life over the last couple of weeks and it’s been stuck in my head enough that it’s driving me a little nuts. This morning when I was outside watering my seedlings I noticed a random poppy that’s growing in the dried out mud path between the garage and the side of the yard that we all use to get from the side yard to the end of the garage. Hardly anything grows there because the dogs use it as their main path as does Jon with construction materials for the house but there’s a single random poppy that’s well outside the garden and growing in the dried mud. I saw it and I can’t miss the sign – bloom where you’re planted it’s telling me.
And so I will.