Bear with me – it’s a long one J
In the time since my brother’s unexpected suicide I’ve spent many many hours contemplating my own life. I’ve gone back and forth about what’s most important to me and about what I really and truly want my life to be about. I’ve done more personal work in the last few months than I think I did in all the years past even though I was trying my best to grow even then.
There are a few things that will shake up most people’s lives – the death of a loved one, a life threatening illness or chronic illness, divorce, having a child, even losing a job can shake us up enough to take a closer look at our lives and what makes us most happy. Two deaths in just over a year; my Dad and then my brother were enough to shake me and my life up forever. I was left feeling unbearably sad and lonely in a way that I’ve never felt before.
I started asking myself some questions, such as:
Who are you now?
Who do you want to be?
How do you want to contribute?
How do you want to be of service?
What are truly the most important things to you?
What are my intentions?
What is my purpose at this time in my life?
What makes me so joyful I can barely contain myself?
What helps me feel strong and confident?
Am I headed where I want to be going?
And mostly –
What do I really, really really want for myself and my life?
While it’s easy to rhyme off these questions, it’s not easy to answer them. I haven’t managed to make it through my own list yet, but I have made a strong attempt at most of them and I’ve discovered things about myself (to my surprise), I’ve clarified things and most importantly I’ve finally allowed myself to dream.
The only way for us to be able to deal with the tragedies life hands us is to find meaning in them. Once we can move through the grief and do what needs to be done we must find the silver lining, we must allow ourselves to see something positive. Finding clarity and purpose after losing my father and brother doesn’t diminish their meaning in my life or their deaths - it honours them. By allowing myself to finally acknowledge my dreams and by saying them aloud knowing that losing most of my family was the catalyst for being able to do so is the highest way I can imagine honouring their lives.
I’m saying all this to explain a little why I quit my blog and why I’m now back. While I write (almost) daily I miss blogging and I miss putting my ideas out into the world. I’ve been disappointed because they haven’t been as well received as I would have liked them to be but in giving it more thought I think I can live with that. I would very much like to grow my readership and I think I’ll try a few more things to do that but even if I don’t I enjoy posting my thoughts and photos a great deal more than I admitted to myself and it took looking deeply within to understand that.
When I decided to stop my blog in July I got an amazing comment from a friend (thank you Gail), saying that by reading my blog she felt she knew me better and herself too. This comment has been resonating with me since I first read it and ultimately it made me realize that that’s what I was trying to accomplish all along.
If you read my old blogs you will notice I’ve changed the address and the name again. This time the address is my name because these are my thoughts/beliefs/images and ideas and I want to own them fully and I’m very proud of what I’m doing here. I also changed the name because I believe that the title Seeking the Everyday Sacred very clearly articulates what all this is about for me.
It is my intention here to explore the meaning in my own life, which I think of as the Everyday Sacred; and to explore all sorts of things we can do to look after ourselves in healthy ways to make our lives more authentic and joyful. I will gradually be answering all my questions and asking some too. I believe questions are a powerful way to get to know ourselves and our lives better and to help us live in alignment with our true selves.
I hope you’ll continue to join me here. I’d love your company for the journey. Remember your comments and emails are always welcome and I’d love to hear your thoughts and ideas about how you nourish yourself, how you find fulfillment and where you find the Sacred in the everyday details of your life.
I have a new email address to go with my new title...and I’d love to hear from you - firstname.lastname@example.org.